Neverson: Please be advised that the highlighted questions may contain unintentional bias which could influence you or lead towards a particular answer or perspective. You are strongly encouraged to critically assess and draw your own conclusions. Thank you.

Hello. Today’s date is September 13, 2026 and it’s sad for me to say this, but uh this will be the last episode of the year for this show and all other audio shows with the exceptions of Echoes of a Story. The reason for this is that I’m way off schedule with my plans to introduce phase two of my creative journey. This is super important for me because it impacts all other projects because everything is connected. So, to put it simply, after this episode, I will be redirecting most of my creative energy and focus towards video projects with the goal to close out phase one and introduced phase two of my creative journey. Although I made numerous changes and pivoted where it was necessary, phase one has always been about building a solid foundation across the different disciplines. This includes uh video, visual art, audio, writing, and the different skills that come with each. Since I officially started back in September 11 of 2021, I have developed a sustainable schedule to manage all the different projects. I found an affordable system to finance projects. I have developed the necessary fundamentals in each of the disciplines and most importantly I have developed a better understanding of how all these disciplines and skills were worked together to support my main goal. While I would like to share a little bit more on how phase 1 has evolved and how I met all the objectives for it, I’ll leave that up as the next topic for the show, Echoes of the Story.

Now, back to our regular show. Since the last episode, I have been actively listening to a evaluate and identify what worked, what didn’t, and what can be improved on. To begin with, the positive of what worked, I really like the overall immersive audio presentation just given the fact that at some point the same audio will be used to create the same to create the video episode. This is super important for me because I’m aware of the challenges and limitations that come with creating a video based on a fixed audio. So, in this case, the format remains open with not too many sound effects and all the sounds are blended well together as though they were one. Now, on to what didn’t work. While I was happy with the highlighted questions, I found them to be too many, which made the episode feel longer than necessary, as well as it made it difficult for each question to have enough time to breathe. So, overall, I found the episode to be well structured and organized, but long enough to attempt at answering the main questions with more questions. So, As a result, I have slightly reduced the number of questions to 32 to address this issue. While I’m conflicted about this decision, I do feel that it will slightly reduce my own influence and most importantly, it will create the momentum for listeners to raise more interesting questions not highlighted. And one final thing before we move on, because this is an audio space, I will continue to look at simplifying the language, the format, and just the overall presentation as the main objective is to meet is to communicate ideas. Nothing more, nothing less.

NIA Introduction

Nia: Hi everyone, my name is Nia and for today’s episode, I’ll be your guide as we make our way through this river journey together. Before we begin, I want to quickly explain how the journey will work. Neon will be our main participant and the first person we’ll hear from. He’ll begin by sharing the experience that led him to today’s main question. From there, the river will carry all of us through 32 questions from 32 different men organized into nine themes. As we move through them, my role is simply to help guide the journey. Before each person speaks, I’ll say the question number and the participant’s name. After that, their question is theirs to share.

Everyone taking part in the river journey will have their eyes closed. As the current carries everyone forward, participants may find themselves close enough to someone to reach out and hold their hand if they feel comfortable doing so. They may connect with someone for only a moment. They might stay connected for longer or they may move through the entire journey without holding anyone’s hand at all. There’s no right way to experience it. And if someone doesn’t get the opportunity to connect with another person while we’re in the river, that’s completely fine. Once the journey is over, everyone will have the opportunity to approach one another and talk. Each participant will be wearing a name tag, so if someone’s question, voice, or perspective stays with you, you’ll be able to find them afterward.

One other thing before we begin. Some of the questions may move fairly quickly. If you’re listening and a particular question catches your attention, challenges you, or simply gives you something you want to think about, I encourage you to pause the episode. Take whatever time you need with it before continuing. You don’t have to move through this journey at the same pace as anyone else. Some people may want to let the questions flow one after another, while others may want to pause, reflect, replay something, or spend more time with a particular question. Go at whatever pace works best for you. There’s nothing you need to solve before reaching the end. The purpose of the journey is simply to listen, reflect, and notice where different experiences connect, where they differ, and what questions they may create for you along the way. With that said, I’ll pass things over to our first participant, Neverson. The river is yours.

Neverson’s experience & the main question

Neverson: All right. Thank you, Nia. For today’s Main question, I will first start by describing a specific experience to set the scene and then introduce the main question. It begins during my early childhood days where I was captured by the idea of being a man or a boy growing into a man. At that age, I had a very simple understanding what being a man was. I associated with being strong, independent, confident, and capable of handling things on my own. This idea felt like a prestigious title that would answer all of my problems. So, I went on to treat it like a video game quest to obtain the title or the badge.

As I got older, each significant milestone felt like I was getting closer to the title. For example, I got older, I started becoming more independent, learning how to take care of myself, making my own decisions, and eventually being able to support myself and others financially. Reaching these milestones made me believe that once I became a man, I would become more respected, more capable, and more confident in myself. As a result, I became really focused on obtaining the title that I never really stopped to consider what the title actually meant.

As I continued growing older, I started to realize that there wasn’t really a single moment where I could say, “This is it. Officially become a man.” There was no graduation. There was no certificate and no clear achievement that drastically changed who I was. Instead, I kept encountering new expectations and new definition of what being a man was. Some contradicted each others while others didn’t make sense when compared to my own experiences. It seemed less about who I wanted to be, but more about how it’s supposed to be. By this point, I started to feel conflicted about pursuing something that is continuously expanding and granted by other people versus pursuing something that I actually wanted to become for myself.

Eventually, I came to the realization that it wasn’t really the title that I was after, but deep down it was really just the social approval. I vividly remember when I made the decision to pursue on becoming my own version of a man. I was working on a school assignment about learn helplessness and I stumbled on this YouTube video about young elephants that gave me a new perspective and helped me with my decision-m. This video showed how young elephants can be restrained with a fence and a rope when they’re too young to break it. After multiple attempts of trying to escape and fail, They eventually learn that it’s useless to do so. As they grow bigger and stronger, they can easily snap the rope and break the fence, but they avoid at doing so because they’ve already been conditioned that escape is impossible.

What I took away from this video was that I had become so focused on obtaining the title of the man that I unintentionally created barriers and limitations for myself. Here’s how I looked at it. The fence was made up of the expectations I encountered from family, culture, media, tradition, and society. The rope represented my own desires for social approval or the need to be recognized and accepted by others. Upon this realization, the decision from then on was easy because I no longer wanted to spend my life trying to fit within boundaries that I then choose for myself. Instead, I wanted to understand the boundaries and decide for myself which ones are worth keeping and which ones should be left behind. Now, many years have passed since I made my decision. And the idea of what it means to be a man has resurfaced strongly in the media and culture leading me back to an old familiar question which also happens to be today’s main question. What is a man?

Nia’s introductions to the 32 Questions and 9 themes

Nia: Thank you Neverson. So there we have it. Our question for today is what is a man? Just to be clear before we move forward, this episode is not exploring the biological definition of what makes someone a man. Instead the question Questions ahead look at how manhood can be described, understood, shaped, and experienced through things like family, culture, society, tradition, media, expectations, and personal experience. There isn’t one answer we’re trying to reach by the end. We’re simply following the questions wherever they take us.

So, let’s move with the current into our first theme. As we begin our journey, our first theme is definition. When I use the word definition here, I’m referring to the different ways manhood can be described, recognized or understood. That can include the qualities, behaviors, responsibilities, roles, or standards people associate with being a man. It can also raise questions about what makes someone a real man, whether adulthood and manhood are understood in the same way, and whether one definition can realistically apply to everyone. For this section, I’m simply using definition to group questions that explore what being a man is understood to mean and where those meanings come from.

• Question 1, introducing Ben: Hi there, my name’s Ben and wow, I’ve just been thinking about this my whole life honestly. You know, when people say a real man does this or a real man would never do that, it’s like I’ve heard that forever, right? And that word real, I don’t know, it always bothered me. I mean, if I’m already a man, what ex exactly am I supposed to do to become a real one? Like, what does that even mean?
• Question 2, introducing Andre: Hey, I’m Andre. My friends are nothing alike. One is quiet, one is loud, one wants a family, another wants complete freedom. And I’d still call every one of them a man. So, why are we still trying so hard to put one definition around all of us?
• Question 3, introducing Owen: Hey, I’m Owen. And when I think about what makes someone a good man, I start listing things like integrity, responsibility, compassion, courage, but then I’m kind of like, wait, shouldn’t those things just describe a good person, too? So, if being a good person and being a good man overlap so much, I’m just wondering, you know, what does the word man actually add to the definition?
• Question 4, introducing Kareem: Hey, I’m Karim. dream. The more I learn about different cultures, the more I wonder if there’s really one definition of manhood. Different cultures can have completely different ideas about how men should act and what’s expected of them, yet still produce men we see as responsible and respectable. So, is there something universal about manhood? Or is it something each culture creates for itself?

Theme 2: Inheritance

As we continue along, our next theme is inheritance. When I use inheritance here, I’m referring to the ideas about manhood that can be passed from one person, family, culture, or generation to another. Some of those ideas may be taught directly through advice, rules, stories, traditions, or expectations. Others may be learned more quietly by watching how the people around us behave, what they praise, what they discourage, and what they expect. For this section, inheritance is simply a way of exploring what gets passed down, how those ideas stay with us and how someone decides what to carry forward or leave behind.

• Question 5, introducing Malik: I’m Malik. Nobody ever sat me down and gave me a lesson called how to be a man. Somehow though, I still picked up a whole bunch of rules. So, where did I even learn all these rules if nobody actually taught them to me?
• Question 6, introducing Barish: I’m Barish. My grandfather told my dad to toughen up. My dad told me the same thing. I can already imagine myself saying it to somebody younger. But what are we actually trying to prepare each other for when we keep passing this stuff down?
• Question 7, introducing Samuel: Hello, I’m Samuel. I respect a lot of what the men before me taught me, but come on. The world they grew up in isn’t exactly the world I’m living in. So, how do I know what I’m supposed to keep and what I’m allowed to leave behind?
• Question 8, introducing Darius: Hey, so my name’s Darius and growing up there were these things about my dad that I swore I would never do. Like absolutely not. And now that I’m older, yeah, I’m starting to hear some of his words coming out of my mouth, which is wild. Do you think like I’m genuinely wondering here, how much of becoming a man is actually me choosing who I want to be and how much is, you know, just me slowly turning into the men who raised me?

Theme 3: Expectations and Performance

Moving a little further along the river, our next theme is expectations and performance. Here, I’m using expectations to describe the standards people may encounter about how a man should behave, appear, respond, or carry himself. Performance refers to what can happen when those standards become something a person feels expected to demonstrate to other people through competence, behavior, appearance, respect, confidence, or the way they handle difficulty. For this section, we’re simply looking at questions about the relationship between manhood, outside judgment, and the feeling of being measured against certain expectations.

• Question 9, introducing Julian: Hi, my name’s Julian. I want to be successful, independent, dependable, all of that. But sometimes I stop and think, did I actually choose this list? How much of this is really what I want? And how much is just what I was told a man should want?
• Question 10, introducing Julius: My name’s Julius. I like being seen as capable. Good job, good shape, got things handled. But sometimes I wonder who I’d be without the audience. If nobody was watching any of it, would I still feel the same way about myself as a man?
• Question 11, introducing Isaiah: Hey, I’m Isaiah. Someone joked that I wasn’t man enough once. I laughed with everybody else, then thought about it way longer than I’d like to admit. Why did that get under my skin so much if I’m supposed to already know who I am?
• Question 12, introducing Chris: I’m Chris. Nobody randomly walks up and says, “Great job being a man today.” Funny enough, the second I struggle, somebody suddenly knows exactly how a man should act. Why does everybody suddenly become an expert on manhood when they think I’m doing it wrong?

Theme 4: Strength and Emotion

As the current carries us forward, we move into strength and emotion. When I use strength here, I’m referring to the different ways strength can be associated with manhood, including toughness, resilience, composure, reliability and the ability to handle difficult situations. At the same time, ideas about strength can sometimes exist alongside expectations around vulnerability, communication, emotional expression, and asking for support. For this section, I’m simply grouping questions that explore how strength and emotion are understood together and what men may believe they are supposed to do when those expectations meet.

• Question 13, introducing Noah: My name’s Noah. Growing up, things like, “Don’t cry, fight back, protect people, and toughen up” were usually presented like they were preparing me for the real world. And maybe some of them were, but at what point does preparing a boy for hardship become teaching him that certain parts of himself are unacceptable?
• Question 14, introducing Terrence: Hey, I’m Terrence. I’ve noticed something about myself. When I’m hurt, embarrassed, scared, whatever, anger is sometimes way easier to show. It’s almost like anger gets a pass that other emotions don’t. So, if anger is one of the few emotions a man feels permitted to show, does that make him emotionally strong or emotionally restricted?
• Question 15, introducing Cole: Hello, I’m Cole. There are moments when people genuinely need me to stay calm. If something goes wrong, Losing control doesn’t help anybody. But I’ve also heard men praised for taking pain quietly, pushing through it, and never complaining. So where’s the line? When does controlling my emotions become avoiding them? And when does suffering quietly stop being strength and start becoming a way of ignoring myself?

Theme 5: Worth and Achievement

Further along, the question shifts toward worth and achievement. Here achievement refers to the goals, responsibilities, mile stones and forms of success that can become associated with being a man. That might include work, financial stability, providing for others, solving problems, reaching personal goals, building a family, or comparing where you are in life with where other men appear to be. For this section, we’re looking at questions about when achievement becomes connected to a person’s sense of worth and why certain successes or failures can sometimes feel connected to manhood itself.

• Question 16, introducing Nathan: I’m Nathan. I love helping people. Fixing something, solving a problem, being the person they call. It feels good. Maybe a little too good sometimes. Why do I feel so much better about myself when somebody needs me for something?
• Question 17, introducing Eric: Hi there, I’m Eric. When I lost my job, the money was obviously a problem. What cut me off guard was how embarrassed I felt about myself. Why did losing my job make me feel like I had somehow failed as a man, too?
• Question 18, introducing Adrien: My name’s Adrien. Give me a goal and I’m good. Give me a problem to solve, even better. But when I have nothing to chase, I start feeling a little lost. And the weird thing is, every time I accomplish something, there always seems to be another milestone waiting. So, if the finish line keeps moving every time I reach it, am I actually pursuing success or am I endlessly auditioning for this idea of being a man?
• Question 19, introducing Hassan: Hey, my name’s Hassan. I’ve always admired men who sacrifice for their families. There’s something meaningful about knowing somebody is willing to put the people they love first. But I wonder where the limit is. If a man spends his entire life taking care of everybody except himself, is that responsibility? Is it love? Or can sacrifice eventually become a form of self-harm?

Theme 6: Independence and Care

As we keep moving with the flow, our next theme is independence and care. When I use independence here, I’m referring to ideas such as self-reliance, handling your own problems, making your own decisions, and being able to take care of yourself. Care introduces another part of that picture, helping others, being dependable, allowing other people to support you, and recognizing that relationships often involve both giving and receiving help. For this section, I’m simply grouping questions that explore where independence, responsibility, dependence, support, and care meet within ideas about manhood.

• Question 20, introducing Kevin: Hello, I’m Kevin. My first response to almost every anything is I got it. Sometimes I absolutely do not got it, but asking for help still feels strange. Why is it so hard for me to just say I actually need some help with this?
• Question 21, introducing Diego: I’m Diego. Independence has always been a big part of what I imagined becoming a man would look like. Handle your own problems. Take care of yourself. Don’t depend too much on anybody. But nobody can actually go through life meeting no one. So if complete independence means I never let myself depend on anybody, at what point does self-sufficiency just become isolation?
• Question 22, introducing Miguel: Hey, I’m Miguel. And uh you know, I’ve been thinking about something lately. Some of the strongest men I’ve ever known, they’re also some of the most caring. I mean, I’ve seen them, right? being affectionate with their kids, gentle with their partners, actually showing up for their friends in those quiet ways that matter. And I keep asking myself, why is it that nobody flinches when a man is tough? Like that part just fits the mold. But then tenderness, softness, suddenly it’s treated like some kind of rare exception to masculinity instead of I don’t know, an expression of it, something real, something human.

Theme 7: Transition

As the river carries us onward, the next theme is transition. Here, transition refers to the movement from being understood as a boy to being understood as a man. Different people and cultures may mark that transition through age, responsibility, independence, ceremonies, tests, achievements, or other milestones. In other cases, there may be no clear moment at all. For this section, we’re looking at questions about how that transition is recognized, whether there needs to be a clear point of arrival, and what happens when no obvious finish line exists.

• Question 23, introducing Marcus: Hello, I’m Marcus. I’m 30 now. I work, pay my bills, handle my responsibilities, but somehow I still catch myself wondering if I’m really there yet. I think part of it is that I’ve always connected being a man with being strong, useful, dependable, like I’m supposed to have things figured out. So, if I’m already an adult, why does being a man still feel like something I have to prove? And who am I as a man during the moments when I’m weak, lost, dependent, or uncertain?
• Question 24, introducing Jamal: I’m Jamal and I graduated and then I got a job and you know, I moved out and suddenly I’m paying like actual real bills unfortunately. But what I’ve been kind of wondering is none of those things came with like a little notification or anything saying, “Hey, congratulations. You’re a man now.” And so I’m just thinking like when exactly was I supposed to know that I wasn’t a boy anymore?
• Question 25, introducing Michael: Hey, my name is Michael and I’ve been wondering about something. I keep hearing about cultures where becoming a man comes with this big ceremony or some kind of test, you know, like a really clear moment. Did you ever hear about that? I never had anything like that myself. Did we just get rid of those ceremonies? And if we did, how are guys supposed to know when they’ve actually made it? Do we just have to figure it out on our own now?
• Question 26, introducing Jabari: So, my name’s Jabari. Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of rights of passage, they they involve some kind of challenge, right? Like you you prove yourself, you overcome something, and then you kind of come out different on the other side. And I I get why a challenge could help somebody figure out what they’re capable of. But oh, do men actually need hardship to become men or or are we sometimes just like creating all this unnecessary suffering because we think manhood has to hurt before you can like earn it?

Theme 8: Contradictions

Continuing further into the journey, our next theme is contradictions. When I use contradictions here, I’m referring to situations where different expectations of manhood appear to pull in different directions. A man may be encouraged to be independent while also being dependable to others, to ignore outside opinions while still earning respect, or to remain strong while also being open and vulnerable. For this section, I’m simply grouping questions that explore what happens when different ideas about manhood overlap, conflict, or become difficult to follow at the same time.

• Question 27, introducing Devon: Hi, my name’s Devon. I was told a man shouldn’t care what people think. Cool. I was also told a man needs to earn respect. Those two instructions don’t exactly match. So, which one is it? Am I supposed to stop caring what people think or make sure they respect me?
• Question 28, introducing Anthony: So, you know, I think about my own life sometimes and it’s strange. I’m Anthony and I grew up with these voices around me saying, “Provide, stay strong, solve the problem.” And for so long, that was the rhythm in my head, like the steady beeping of some old machine reminding me of who I was supposed to be. And then lately, I hear these other voices softer but somehow heavier. Open up, communicate, be vulnerable, share the load, be emotionally available. And I try, God, I really try. But it feels like I’m being pulled in two directions at once. Like I’m supposed to be this traditional provider, all steel and certainty, and at the very same moment, this modern partner who can open his chest and let every feeling spill out. And sometimes sometimes it’s It’s like these versions of being a man start contradicting each other and I’m just sitting there wondering what I’m supposed to do with all of that. Wondering how I’m supposed to carry it without breaking.
• Question 29, introducing Kofi: Hello, I’m Kofi. So, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Like, you know how one generation might look at a guy who keeps everything inside and be like, “Oh, yeah, that’s discipline, right?” But then another generation looks at that same guy and goes, “No, no, he’s emotionally suppressed.” And I’m just wondering like, does that mean changing our expectations is actual progress? Or are we kind of just swapping out one set of rules for another? And then wait, when our whole definition of healthy masculinity shifts, how do we even tell if we’re genuinely moving forward or if we’re just creating a new expectation that men are supposed to follow?

Theme 9: Identity & Closing

Now, and as the river continues to carry us forward, our final theme is identity. When I use identity here, I’m referring to the relationship between ideas about manhood, and the way someone understands who they are. That can include the influence of family and upbringing, the kind of life someone chooses to build, the freedom to define manhood personally, and the uncertainty that can come with deciding which definitions actually belong to you. For this final section, we’re simply looking at questions about where inherited ideas, outside expectations, personal choices, and someone’s own sense of self begin to meet.

• Question 30, introducing Leo: So, I’m Leo, right? And I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Like, I really love that nobody’s out here telling me exactly what kind of man I’m supposed to be. You know, that part feels great. But then there’s this other part of me that’s just kind of standing here like, okay, so what am I aiming for? And I keep wondering like is having all this freedom to define it myself actually free or does it just give me like way more room to second guess everything?
• Question 31, introducing Elijah: Hello, I’m Elijah and you know growing up career, house, wife, kids, being the provider. Like that was the picture, right? That was just the template. And maybe I’ll want all of that one day. Sure. But I keep wondering like, what if I don’t? If my life ends up looking totally different from that version of manhood I was shown, does that mean I’m doing it wrong, or am I just doing it differently? I mean, I’m genuinely curious about that. Like, why Why exactly is the old picture supposed to be the only one?
• Question 32, introducing Cassian: So, uh, hello, I’m Cassian. And you know, the more I sit with this whole idea of what makes a man a man, the more it starts slipping through my fingers. Like, every time I think I’ve got a definition, someone else has a different one and then another and another. And I’m just sitting there wondering why none of them feel right. And maybe, maybe that’s the thing. Maybe manhood isn’t some badge I’m supposed to earn or some finish line I eventually cross. Maybe the real question is what kind of man I decide to become once I stop trying so hard to prove that I am one in the first place. And underneath all of that, I keep asking myself, why do I even need that one definition so badly? Why am I clinging to it like it’s supposed to save me? I don’t know. I really don’t.

And with that, we’ve now heard all 32 questions. 32 different voices, experiences, uncertainties, and ways of approaching the same question. What is a man? There’s nothing you need to decide right now. Maybe one question stayed with you. Maybe several did. Maybe you paused somewhere along the way and spent a little more time with one. Or maybe you simply allowed the entire journey to flow past you and you’re still figuring out what you think. However, you chose to move through the river is completely fine.

Before I pass things back to Neverson, I also want to remind everyone of something I mentioned at the beginning. If you found yourself holding someone’s hand somewhere along the journey and you’d like to continue that connection, you can approach them once we’re out of the river. Everyone is wearing a name tag and you don’t need to have held someone’s hand to approach them. Maybe you recognized yourself in something they said. Maybe their question challenged you. Maybe you disagreed with them. Or maybe you’re simply curious and want to understand where their question came from. You’re welcome to find them and have that conversation. And if you move through the entire river without connecting with anyone, that’s all right, too. The river journey may be ending, but the opportunity to connect with one another doesn’t end here. My role was simply to guide everyone through it. Where those conversations go from here is up to you. Never began on our journey. So, it feels right that he should be the one to close it. Never, back to you^.